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billberry
24 July 2005 @ 08:34 pm
I've been reading other people's live journal for quite a while now, but only had the urge to post once (a sort of cathartic thing I guess). Now I've got a new job which can quite often leave me with a bit of time on my hands I'm starting to think that i could use my time a little more preductively than looking at the bbc homepage all day.
So here we go, I wonder if I'll keep it up.
So here we go, I wonder if I'll keep it up.
01 April 2005 @ 10:54 pm
My friend’s son died today. I don't know the full details, but it seems like they went to get him up this morning and found him dead.
I don't really know why I'm writing this. To try and initiate some sort of cathartic release I guess. I feel very helpless; I hardly knew him and I have a deep well of sadness inside me so god only knows what Neil and Rachael are feeling. I keep thinking of them in such unbearable emotional pain that all I want to do is help - but know there is nothing I can do. I'm going to wait until I contact them until next week, then send a card or something - letting them know I'm there if they want me to be.
The first thing I wanted to do when I heard was go and pick up Amy from nursery and give her a hug. Kerry says she felt the same. It wasn't even a "thank god it didn't happen to us" thing, just a primeval urge.
He was only three for gods sake. All those hopes and expectations gone. I keep imagining them coming back from the hospital to the house with all his toys just as he left them. How the hell do you cope with something like that? I wish I could do something.
I went out tonight with Craig and Dave for Karl’s leaving do. I was hoping we could find a corner and sit and just reflect but we ended up going to a bunch of shitty towny pubs. We had a toast - to Joseph, Neil and Rachel, may they all find peace. I wanted to share the experience with people that had known Neil as long as me, and we did to some extent. I guess though that it was easier for me to put myself in their shoes because of Amy. I never really understand how deeply I could feel until I had Amy.
Shit.
I don't really know why I'm writing this. To try and initiate some sort of cathartic release I guess. I feel very helpless; I hardly knew him and I have a deep well of sadness inside me so god only knows what Neil and Rachael are feeling. I keep thinking of them in such unbearable emotional pain that all I want to do is help - but know there is nothing I can do. I'm going to wait until I contact them until next week, then send a card or something - letting them know I'm there if they want me to be.
The first thing I wanted to do when I heard was go and pick up Amy from nursery and give her a hug. Kerry says she felt the same. It wasn't even a "thank god it didn't happen to us" thing, just a primeval urge.
He was only three for gods sake. All those hopes and expectations gone. I keep imagining them coming back from the hospital to the house with all his toys just as he left them. How the hell do you cope with something like that? I wish I could do something.
I went out tonight with Craig and Dave for Karl’s leaving do. I was hoping we could find a corner and sit and just reflect but we ended up going to a bunch of shitty towny pubs. We had a toast - to Joseph, Neil and Rachel, may they all find peace. I wanted to share the experience with people that had known Neil as long as me, and we did to some extent. I guess though that it was easier for me to put myself in their shoes because of Amy. I never really understand how deeply I could feel until I had Amy.
Shit.